Breaking news: Weddings cause a whole lot of drama. From the venue, to the food, to the dress code and the invite list, the build-up to the happy day can be anything but. The latest drama on the Reddit “Am I The A—hole” (AITA) thread is regarding the wedding party. The couple has started discussing who will be their ring bearer and their flower girl, and it’s safe to say their family is thoroughly pissed about their proposed plan.
You see, the couple wants their dog and cat — Mika and Tibby — to take over the roles instead of her nieces and nephews, especially one set of 4-year-old twins — Ava and Liam — who always get special attention from the family.
“I casually brought it up at a family get-together,” the bride wrote. “And my SIL took me aside later and asked why we gave ‘Ava and Liam’s roles’ to our animals … She said that it would be ‘good for the family’ for the twins to be in the wedding and that it’s ‘against tradition to have animals in the wedding.””
And so, after “her mind has been spinning,” this bride turned to Reddit to get some second opinions.
Why The Pets?
The original poster (OP) really wants Mika and Tibby in her wedding because they “are like children to [her and her fiancé].”
“They helped me through my deepest depression,” she explained. “I honestly think I wouldn’t be here anymore if I didn’t have to stick around to take care of them. They kept my fiancé company when he was going through chemo and I had to work double the hours to put food on the table. We love them to bits and consider them family. My fiancé thought it was a great idea, so that’s what we decided to do.”
Why The Kids?
OP’s brother and SIL had a series of “incredibly painful (both physically and emotionally from what I’ve heard) miscarriages” before starting IVF and ultimately becoming pregnant with Ava and Liam. And so her family “showers” the twins with attention and affection, “almost to the exclusion of the other grandkids.” Ouch!
The bride’s SIL said that “her miracle rainbow babies” should “obviously” be the flower girl and ring bearer.
“She asked me to reconsider and showed me a picture of Ava in a flower girl dress to ‘show [me] how cute it would be,’” OP said.
OP’s fiancé said he’d be fine with the twins taking the roles, but he’d still rather it be Mika and Tibby.
“I agreed that I would prefer our animals,” OP wrote. “However, I’m now wondering if maybe having our animals in the wedding would offend the family or go against tradition.”
Redditors say the couple’s pets are the priority! This day is not about the SIL and her kids. It’s about the bride and groom, and whatever feels right for them.
“IMBTA (I may be the a-hole) for saying this, but those kids are ‘their’ miracle babies,” one person said. “Not yours. Your fur babies are your babies.”
“Things are going to get rocky, but it’s better SIL learns her kids aren’t the main characters in everyone’s lives before they get to school and she and they are rudely awakened,” another said. “She is doing them no favors in the long run.”
OP may not be the a-hole for not choosing her niece and nephew, but she could end up being the a-hole for doing this to her pets.
“Consider if your pets are going to enjoy that experience or if it will be stressful and annoying to them,” one Redditor said. “If they’re going to like it, by all means, go ahead. That’s really the only question that matters.”
“If OP has super chill, social pets, it could be alright,” another chimed in. “But for many, it would be a selfish thing to bring them.”
“Most dogs and cats do not have the training to do this and even with human handlers will be stressed out & overstimulated by the crowd, new people, weird smells, and unclear expectations,” another agreed.
We’re not saying that assigning these roles to the pets couldn’t end up in an absolute fiasco — but ultimately, every choice in a wedding should be made by the people who are actually getting married.
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